‘I Married a Gay Man’: Tongqi’s Agency in Marital Decisions

Abstract There has been an increasing interest in the ‘tongqi phenomenon’ in China. The ‘tongqi phenomenon’ is usually described in research as mixed-orientation marriages (MOMs). Tongqi refers to a group of heterosexual women who unwittingly married non-straight men. While the literature on the ‘tongqi phenomenon’ has mainly focused on the adverse effects and victimisation on tongqi, this qualitative study aimed to understand how tongqi construct their reality/perplexity within a MOM on how they determined conjugal relationships after discovering their husband’s sexual orientation. We adopted the virtual ethnography method to conduct non-participant observation in the tongqi online support group, followed by fourteen semi-structured, in-depth interviews in China. Three main themes emerged via thematic analysis: maintaining the intact marriage, reframing their marriage and getting a divorce. Tongqi showed agency and resilience in understanding their marital situations, navigating resources and making marital life fit their reality. The practical implications for social work and future studies are discussed.