Letters

Letter undated from John Bauer to Ester Ellqvist, consisting of six pages written on the front and back of two sheets of paper, the first weight. Main writing handwritten in ink, which is transient from black to red on the front page, then the writing continues completely in red. On the fourth page are notes in pencil written upside down. This is referred to here as Page 7. .. LETTER TRANSCRIPT: .. [Page 1] [at the top of page two words: if or ann [?]] Esther min Hvad it was a long time since I was with dough. This moon has been like six feel-good and Once a long time ago I had an af of my happiest summers. Then for I as good as daily [coated: on a gl- [?]] canoe in a lovely water to meet dough. And always You met mej with kisses. I held your little spade body [coated word] next to mej. And your arms you were winding about the neck of mej. [Constructed: Sometimes] Known I mej that summer alone I just put the canoe in the lake Now. Alone I am the whole days- na. Always I’m alone. always I am constantly walking in a void I get to watch mej for with dough in the fam it is soft and hot round mej. Then there is no void. .. [Page 2] Esther min. I can’t stand alone the unit. I --- [?] and cottage tanks and rings beat mej soft. No I don’t want to laugh like that I bonar frames and [exceeded words] do old bad taflor new and boil the and smoke the beep and dreams and longs and bans and goes hen [?] and re-enter again o [?] Brushes and Eagles [Constructed: Pra] and Talking to Mej Self and search for anlednin to avoid doing just what I should at the moment gora I am Fy. but you know that Hång you are in love with mej Esther. You shouldn’ t be. It’s inalienable No I don’t know what I write .. [Page 3] Surely you should keep af mej Do you know Esther. I find Mej so inept so bad and everything so hopeless. Sej [overturned word] mej lackluster has value on this earth Hvad is good hvad is evil I myself do not hear here. I to be dead for a long time then. The Mens can withstand I do not. I see indifferent on their big mandates. I is indifferent to what their value. [exceeded: f [?]] Nowadays I hardly understand a the value of works of art. It is the most beautiful manniskas but still useless. Sej mej hSe we lefva. The people lefva to deceive and dress Hintered. Is it profitable .. [Page 4] to be repented and suffer to create a work of art that at best to hang in a hall in a house, somewhere on Earth. Nowadays working I do not during joy as sooner and I’m tired of everything. I am full af mot- ownership. I can see stick to. I just slides. I don’t know Your Bref. (I must say I do not read it anymore with the same joy as sooner. I have dough on mine conscience. [Constructed: V [?] [?]] I have taken dough and at mej Do you dress dej fasst [coated: I] at mej. I who is worse than naught straight no holding hook. A lif du Esther can not filled with kisses and happiness dreams and I [comment: upside down on this sheet is another text written in pencil. It is reproduced at the bottom here on page 7.] .. [Page 5] beavers for reality and the elf and my own power dissolve the pititude. I do not want more blifva f-r [?] i want nobody thing I do not know hvad I want. Fall asleep at your Side [overworked: and buoy [?]] from everything h-r [?] and then be allowed to start with clear thoughts and clear goal perhaps I want. Do you understand mej. I do it in time, not I am 23 years old, gifted as an artist they say and beloved af dej, I know and yet tired. Esther min. You must you have to forgive mej it here sad letter. I have so many times before .. [Page 6] gjordt dej lessen that it should now be sufficient But I get to make dough happy another time Here you have in short haul my condition at present Your brother’s exlibris have I have not yet succeeded again come but I shall continued [exceeded: mej] with the trials. You must write mej den text he wishes [overdrawn: and I m--- [?]] The length of the name and appearance etc. [drawn dash] You ask if I’m happy and asks mej to write and .. [Page 7] [written with pencil upside down on page 4] N--- [?] if they 15 The drawings 1. An old mountain troll. 2. 3. [Constructed: 4 5] Illustrations for Peter Schlemil 4 5 Lille Zakris 6 15 -- [?] A---a [?] [exceeded: Wall] Wahlenberg’s fairytale collection Lange Lange then The numbers stand on --- nas [?] backsides